I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
