I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He felt like a one man threesome
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
