you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
