Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
