I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize