Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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