Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
50% drunk capacity currently
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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