My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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