I'm going to jail i love you
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
