people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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