its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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