i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
