I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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