sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
