Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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