so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
