Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
