You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
we're making bets on your personal life
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize