i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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