I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
