You're my little dorito
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
