why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
