my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
