brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
