hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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