good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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