i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
