Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Too much gin, very little bucket
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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