if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
