I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
