every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize