Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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