Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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