So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
