i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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