i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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