oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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