Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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