you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
