Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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