Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
