just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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