There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize