she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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