I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
