just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
