You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
