Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I wear drunk well.
Randomize