My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just want to make out with him forever
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
