idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
