Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
