Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
