Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
