i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
