I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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