the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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