I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
