So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
