New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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