I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
