Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
