shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Randomize
