just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
