she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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