From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize