Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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