dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
