You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
