A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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