How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
