Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
