3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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