btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
