kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
