yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
