I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize