And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
