This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
