I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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