I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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