My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
