So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize