I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Randomize
